sorrow

Right now my heart is aching for my baby.  Things I feel I lack the strength and ability to help her with.  Things I cannot fix.  My heart aches for my husband.  And for her siblings.  And for the normal I sometimes yearn for for all of us.

With all my might. 

It happens in waves amidst rich gratitude that she is ours: sorrow that makes me feel helpless. 

And it is mixed with a love so deep that it makes the helplessness black. 

A series of events led to making today one of those days where my eyes brimmed with tears all day long.  And when I looked over Grace’s shoulder at a picture on a post she was reading from my sister’s blog, it spoke to me:
“That is me,”  I thought. 

And the tears welled up again.

I want so much to be strong enough for all of them. 

Yet I am weak.

I want to give my heart to Heaven. 

So when I saw this next picture I thought, “that is me too.”
And a fat tear slipped quietly down my cheek, mirroring hers.

But the third one is the one that gave me peace:

Because I instantly I recognized myself again.

“That is me too,” I thought. 

The heaviness is still there, but so are those angels.  I can feel them.

I hope Lu can too.

(Artist information and my sister’s beautiful post here.)